How I Held a Thermometer in a Wild Bear’s Rectum

D. J. Kristoff • September 21, 2022

So, I was just out of college teaching science in Arizona when a fellow teacher asked me if I would you like to go on a black bear research expedition with him that weekend. My eyes flew open and I took a big gulp of air. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine I would be asked to go on a bear expedition. But I loved the idea of the adventure, so with some hesitation I said, “OK.”

Early that Saturday morning we meandered through the White Mountains looking for Al’s campsite. Now, Al was the bear expert with the Arizona Game and Fish Department. The mountain air was so cool and sweet. It smelled like butterscotch and there was a light mist that hung low over the ground. Did you know that Ponderosa pine trees smell like butterscotch? Well, we finally saw Al’s truck parked in front of a pine tree that looked like it had been shredded. All the bark and branches were ripped off by the trapped bear trying to escape the wire loop around its leg.

We found Al bent over a tranquilized black bear. “You’re just in time,” he yelled. “Little lady, come over here and hold his head. I don’t want a stick to puncture his eye.” I was frozen in my tracks. I’d never seen a bear in the wild before and he seemed huge. But I swallowed my fear, hesitantly nodded “OK” and stripped off my jacket as I slowly sank to the ground next to the bear. I laid my jacket over my crossed legs as Al gently placed the bear’s head in my lap. He was completely motionless, but his dark eyes were open, staring right into mine.

I noticed that his tongue was hanging out the side of his mouth, and I could see the faint glimmer of his white canine. I was so filled with wonder that I couldn’t resist, so I slowly lifted his dark lip and tapped my fingernail on his sharp tooth while I gently rubbed his ear like I would to sooth a puppy.

My initial fears had turned to awe. So, I didn’t hear Al approach from behind, until he startled me with his command, “Diane, hold this!” I turned my head to see that he was holding a thermometer in the bear’s rectum. I gulped and almost burst out laughing. “Sure,” I said, “Why not?”

You know what I learned from this experience, is to always be open to new adventures, even if you have to swallow your fear to muster up the courage. It’s worth it!

Needless to say, this bear experience inspired a similar adventure in my story, without the thermometer, of course!

Part I: How I Earned the Nickname Dino Diane

By D. J. Kristoff • September 25, 2022
Imagine yourself standing on an eroding grassy hill, looking across a harsh landscape of rocky gullies. Shielding your eyes from the hot Montana sun, you swipe away the sweat slowly dripping down the side of your face as you reach down into the dust and the dirt, and suddenly, your fingers touch a hard object. […] The post Part I: How I Earned the Nickname Dino Diane appeared first on Dino Diane's Adventures.

Part II: Dinosaur Secrets Revealed

By D. J. Kristoff • September 24, 2022
So, what did I learn in those badlands in Montana? Well, growing up, dinosaurs were always portrayed as dim-witted, slow-moving loners. That was the prevailing view of them at the time. But, under a starry night sky, by the glow of a smoky campfire, we discussed Horner’s latest findings and theories. I learned that the […] The post Part II: Dinosaur Secrets Revealed appeared first on Dino Diane's Adventures.

Part III: Maiasaura – Good Mother Lizard

By D. J. Kristoff • September 23, 2022
The Maiasaura is the only female-named dinosaur to date. The name means “good mother lizard,” as she exhibited maternal instincts, like making nests and caring for her young. How does Horner know this? From the tiny eggshell fragments found in the FIRST dinosaur nests ever discovered containing fossilized baby dinosaurs, up to a month or […] The post Part III: Maiasaura – Good Mother Lizard appeared first on Dino Diane's Adventures.

Part IV: Where’s the Chickenosaurus?

By D. J. Kristoff • September 22, 2022
Since then, I check in on Jack Horner from time to time to see what he’s up to in the dinosaur world. Jack is now in his mid-seventies and still quite active. I learned that he’s been investigating the real possibility of bringing dinosaurs back to Earth, as suggested in the movie. But, after many […] The post Part IV: Where’s the Chickenosaurus? appeared first on Dino Diane's Adventures.